heavy panic

I never feel it

This time is no different.
I suck.
Should I keep complacent. Or shake you off?
Or gently place you on the that shelf that I refuse to look back up at.

It's not you it's me
I am meant to be a one

I feel like someday soon.
I have to grow up.
And learn how to do things girls need to do
like wear makeup right
and stop dressing like a slob
and style my hair

but really there are so many things that are more important then make up
to me anyway
but I have to I guess
if I want to be taken seriously
but i don't
give
a

oh well
gotta get on that

djivjk
=D

sleep

can't sleep
can't sleep

soooo tired

can't sleep

can't get this song out of my head

anything but hear a voice...

can't sleep!

I do not need any help altering my mind.
I need to clear things up.
so i am done with mind altering substances

aka
Larry and I are no longer on speaking terms

 useless complaining gets you nowhere

we are movers!
we are ideal!
we are revolutionary!
civilized
desensitized?
GET UP
GET UP
GET UP
give up
give up

give up

not ours to give

diputs
pudits
upstid

I am way too indecesive about everything. I can barely choose where to eat or what to wear sometimes. How do i decide what to do with my future??? Ridicoulis i keep changing my mind about what to do. I thought if i just got into ramapo everything would be gravy but like... I don't even know. I have come up with a plan at least for the next two years that I feel pretty good about. Buut i'll probably change my mind 76587 times over the next year so who knows? It's like i am two different people wrapped in one skin it's hard to please both

May 5 2007
Went to a party at Emily's first party i went to there ever! Before the party I went to Matt's to get my wallet i left in his car. He was not home but he always leaves his car open so i just grabbed it. Called me at the party demanding i come over cuz i "broke into his car". Went over there tried to lock the car so he Couldn't get in but i accidently unlocked he got in. Fighting began he yelled at me i told him to get out he wouldn't. Finally he got out and stood in front of the car then lay in front of the car. Threatend to go hurt himself and it would be on my head if I left. He walked away i honked my horn he came running back and BOOOOOM. slammed a nice big dent in the back of my car. After some more  yelling i  managed to get away before he could jump in front of my car again went home. He never offered to fix it...

May 5 2008
Lately for some reason the dent has been bothering me a lot and making me miffed whenever i see it. Last night i decided to casually bring it up in conversation.